


Your Pies and My Mom

by Hungry_AloeLeaf



Series: Pants on Fire AU [1]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Cooking, EVEN WRITING IT IS EXHAUSTING, FINISH THINGS, Food, I'm am this close to deleting this whole mess, Pants on Fire AU, Stuffing, THERE IS NO STORY ANYMORE, WAH, Weight Gain, You really have to love someone, aaa wat do i do???, also Fireheart is really great at pies for real, although it has been implied, am scared of screwing up, and another thing i keep doing, and don't necessarily want to read, and they all lead to awfulness, and they were ROOMMATES, anyways it's not likely that I'll continue this, because I have written three alternative & unfinished drafts, because I started something new that I will not finish, because for the first time in my life, because i swear, because i'm procrastinating, becausehonestly I haven't, but - Freeform, but anyways here ya go, but like i'm acting like I've screwed up, chunky Onewhisker, did I even have a story? no, dumb midnight decisions, eh forget Wrenflight, for chapter four, for those who want Warriors wg, guess what else i hc, i can't just, i just can't follow-through, i just', i might take requests doing this, i need more time to think, i'm scared to write stuffing, i'm sorree warriors fandom that this has to pop up, i've been building up to stuff but, is changing my mind about the story, maybe soon, more with a "v" all the time, not continuing, plus I keep just changing things in general, since this is my true jar of jam, sowwy, that's mostly me, to make your own crust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hungry_AloeLeaf/pseuds/Hungry_AloeLeaf
Summary: Fireheart makes too many pies, and with too many pies comes an adorable chunky friend!that's... that's Onewhisker in case that wasn't clearthey be friends in this human AU which I will call the "Pants on Fire AU" for no good reason(edit: changed the title and now I hate itchanged it back)
Relationships: Fireheart & Onewhisker (Warriors)
Series: Pants on Fire AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778059
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

“I have no idea how this could have happened…”

“Oh, I do, Whiskers…” Fireheart swallowed back a grin at the numbers on the scale. “Besides, you have to admit I make a pie that’s to die for!”

“You literally took that entire pie and shoved it down my face!” Onewhisker snapped at him, recoiling from the scale with a hiss of frustration.

“Ah-ah! I lovingly fed it to you with a fork. You could have stopped whenever you wanted, Onesie.” Fireheart was now looking quite smug, unable to hide his glee now. “Are ya just going to blame me for being a great cook all day?”

“I should…” Onewhisker begrudgingly grumbled, plopping down on the edge of the bathtub. “Starclan, Wrenflight is going to kill me the next time I visit her…”

Fireheart’s glee shifted into guilt, and he climbed onto the empty bathtub, pressing closer to his friend.

“I’m sorry, Onesie… but you seemed happy! Aren’t ya happy, Onesie?”

Onewhisker glanced into the wide green eyes that were dancing with stars and swimming with tears. A part of him knew that yeah, Fireheart was looking all cute and pleading on purpose, but another part of him felt sympathetic towards the ginger. Like, Fireheart really wanted him to be content. A lot.

“Fine, guess I don’t really mind it too much. It’s just… well, it’s mostly Wrenflight.”

“It’s always her.” Fireheart’s gaze darkened, and he hugged Onewhisker to his chest protectively. “Don’t worry… I’ll take care of her…”

“You better not hurt my mom!”

“I’ll take care of her verbally.”

“No…”

“…Can I at least make little hand gestures?”

“FIRE!”

“Okay, okay, I won’t do anything. _I’ll just poison her piece of pie at Thanksgiving-_ ”

“FIREHEART, I AM GOING TO SHOVE A PIE IN YOUR FACE!”


	2. Thunderstorm Snuggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm rages outside while two friends cuddle inside. 
> 
> Includes a self-conscious lil doughnut

Onewhisker buried himself deeper into his warm bed, heart thudding when another deafening boom of thunder echoed outside. Thunderstorms weren’t that common in the town, most of the time, it was strong winds that plagued them. The brunet wasn’t quite used to the weather keeping him up. Thunder certainly made more noise than wind-

The short man snapped out of his thoughts when a light audibly flicked on in the hallway. A few minutes later, his door opened, and Fireheart stood in the illuminated doorway, clutching a pillow to his chest.

“Onesie? You awake?” The ginger quickly flicked off the hallway light and crept towards the bed.

“Yeah,” Onewhisker replied groggily. “What is it?”

“I’m scared.” Fireheart sat on the edge of the bed. “Can I come in with you?”

“Do what you want,” Onewhisker turned his back to Fireheart and closed his eyes. “Just don’t start making noise.”

“Okay,” The ginger set his pillow down and snuggled up against Onewhisker’s back. “Night-night!”

Onewhisker only grunted in return. He closed his eyes and flipped the covers off of himself – since the summer air and Fireheart’s body heat was quite enough – and attempted to sleep while the lightning flickered and the thunder crashed. During a particularly tremendous boom that made them both jump, Fireheart shifted even closer, throwing his arm over Onewhisker’s side. The short man immediately tensed up when his friend’s hand brushed his abdomen. Stars, he felt so soft underneath the arm… Onewhisker narrowed his eyes, ignoring the heat rushing to his face when he plucked up Fireheart’s wrist and debated on where to put it.

Definitely not his side… or anywhere below there… anywhere above there was a bit soft too…

The brunet settled the hand on his shoulder, a wave of frustration shuddering through his body. He really had to start denying those pies soon. He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply while thankful that no one could feel the way his belly swelled.

Onewhisker soon began to experience that lovely falling feeling he’d gotten to used to before the actual sleep came. Before he could actually get to sleeping, he stiffened again. Fireheart’s hand had somehow maneuvered its way back to rest on the pudge that stretched the t-shirt while he was so blissfully relaxing. He scowled and placed the hand back on his shoulder, a little more firmly this time.

The short man squeaked when the hand slinked back down to his belly and squeezed it. He turned to glare at Fireheart, now certain that all of the touching had been intentional. The ginger broke his sleeping expression with a smile before he opened his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Onesie?”

“You little ginger piece of-”

“Hush…” Fireheart’s finger stopped Onewhisker’s lips. “You may actually like belly rubs if you weren’t trying to act all skinny all of the time.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Onesie,” Fireheart used two fingers to walk his hand back to Onewhisker’s middle. “Just chillax, okay? Nobody is judging you.”

The brunet uncertainly bit his lip, but rolled on his back. When lightning flashed again, he could tell that Fireheart’s pupils had dilated. The hand started in a slow circular motion around the pudge, and Onewhisker couldn’t help but squirm.

“This is weird.”

“Everything is weird.” Fireheart murmured softly, but his voice had a bit of a ravenous snarl.

“I… I’m not really used to people touching me… there…”

“ _Badger_ , if you would stop trying to act all skinny,” The hand gripped tightly at Onewhisker’s middle again at that. “You wouldn’t feel so bad about it. Now do you hate it or not? Because I can always stop.”

The warm hand caressed the perimeter of the short man’s belly, and honestly, he couldn’t say that he hated it. He hummed softly, and closed his eyes.

“It actually feels good.”

“See? It’s not so scary, is it?”

“Guess not...” Onewhisker mumbled drowsily. His head and body felt heavier, and again the falling feeling overtook him, accompanied by the constant, slow, methodic circles the hand made on his stomach.

The storm had quieted down to a steady downpour of rain by the time they both slipped into sleep that night.

\---

The morning, unlike last night, was bright and clear. Much too bright and clear for Onewhisker. Once he glimpsed the bright windows, he hid himself under the covers and continued to snore. 

But Fireheart had other plans. _Pie making plans._

Maybe, possibly, perhaps, _stuffing_ plans?

“We’ll see about that, later, Onesie,” He gently patted the sleeping man’s head although it was shoved under the thick blanket. “I think apple sounds nice!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE MY LITTOL DOUGHNUT MAN  
> *ahem*  
> Anyways, guess this didn't turn out being for any assignment after all. Got the idea last night DURING a thunderstorm, when me and my relative were trying to snuggle up. It was ultimately very awkward cause we didn't do it in years 
> 
> Aside from that... next chapter may actually be the "wild ride" for this little thingy. I want to do some stuffing with this... but like, how could i make that cute enough for two humanized cats tho??? And with pie?? (edit: ALSO WITH ONE'S SMACKING OMG how do I write somebody SMACKING so obscenely aaaaaaa)  
> i really wouldn't have done this with One and Fire initially, but like... idk I'll get to ruining other Warriors characters soon enough i guess.  
> hope somebody enjoyed this tho!


	3. The Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fireheart bakes his lil doughnut a pie

Fireheart lined up all of his ingredients on the counter, a tiny smile quirking up on his lips.

“Okay, okay. Dough first!” The ginger sighed dreamily, approaching the stan mixer. “Golly, this part reminds me of Onesie. Okay, got to take my flour…”

He turned on the radio and mixer before he got his frozen butter from the freezer. He diced it into tiny squares, turned on the mixer, and slowly sprinkled them in. A few tablespoons of ice water later, he was kneading the dough on the sanitized and floured counter. Everything was nicely incorporated, so he wrapped the dough with saran wrap and gave it a little kiss.

“Happy chilling time,” He purred, lovingly placing it into the refrigerator. He then took out the apples he’d prepared the previous night while Onewhisker had been taking a shower. “Now it’s filling time! My favorite part!”

He took the bowl of apples, conveniently not browned because he’d taken the smart route and put lemon juice on them yesterday. The ginger dumped them into the saucepan handful by handful, and flicked the flame underneath on medium heat. As he added the spices, a little thought flashed through him: this could be the last pie he made his friend.

Onewhisker was probably bound to leave soon, even if he wasn’t telling him. As bright and cheerful as Fireheart could be, he sure wasn’t stupid – Onewhisker’s phone had recently been blowing up with texts, and the brunet had been acting more and more anxious.

The only person he knew that would call his friend like that was Wrenflight… probably wanted him to go visit home or something. There was no guarantee that Onewhisker could be coming back, the way she was.

So this had to be the best pie.

“Aah!” He stopped the hand mindlessly shaking the cinnamon into the filling. “Oops… well, I guess more cinnamon is better anyways…”

He continued to stir in some ground nutmeg, ground cloves, a few drops of vanilla, and a packed cup of light brown sugar deciding to focus on the upbeat jazz flowing from the radio instead of Wrenflight ruining the household. After all, if this would be one of his last days living with Onewhisker, he would enjoy it to the fullest.

After about ten minutes of stirring, the thin apple slices were limp, and bubbling in the pan was something akin to a runny, apple-flavored caramel. Fireheart set the stove on low while he prepared a quick cornstarch slurry – simply water and cornstarch, to thicken up the mixture. All of that good caramel was going to go into that pie…

Fireheart dumped it in into the pan and stirred it until everything was well incorporated. The mixture thickened soon afterwards, so he took the pan off of the heat and chucked it into the microwave. He flicked off the stove.

“Okay…” He beeped in the temperature on the oven, unable to quell his shudder of excitement. “Ooh, it’s all coming together! This crust part never gets old!”

He skipped over to the fridge and took out the firm dough.

“Oh, my beautiful darling,” Fireheart hugged the dough to his chest with a sigh. “I know my heat isn’t good for you, but I love you so much. Love is one the most important things that makes you taste delicious!”

He slapped the dough on the counter, one hand enthusiastically reaching for the already-buttered pie tin while the other grabbed the flour. His hands swiftly floured the rolling pin, and the rest of the work was simple muscle memory after two months of making pies nonstop.

The dough was unwrapped and one half of it rolled to 1/8 of an inch thickness. Fireheart delicately draped it over the pie tin and docked it with a nearby fork.

“Now… where oh where are my rocks?” The ginger glanced about the kitchen, realizing with a frown that the parchment paper wrap with the pebbles was gone from the counter. “Drat! I keep telling Onesie not to move them…”

Fireheart found the rocks in the drawer, relieved that his friend hadn’t thrown them outside. The ginger set the wrap into the dough inside of the tin, and cut the excess dough from the perimeter of the unbaked crust with a paring knife. When he set the tin in the oven, he didn’t bother to time it. He was pretty well accustomed to how much time it took for the blind baking.

After about 20 minutes, he pulled out the crust and the filling and added them together. The other portion of the dough was rolled out and draped on top of the filling and everything. A few brushstrokes of a quickly made eggwash, a tiny sprinkle of brown sugar, and finally, FINALLY the pie was ready to go in the oven and bake.

“Stars…” Fireheart breathed once the pie was in the oven. “I can finally go and sit down.”

He spent the rest of the hour tapping away at a video game on the couch, tongue poking out in concentration. He jumped up excitedly.

“Pie time!” He dashed into the kitchen, and yanked the pie out of the oven. “Good… it should be cool when Whiskers wakes up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this was exhausting for me  
> I just get a frozen crust usually  
> to be fair, I was up until midnight doing this... but I never want to see words again


End file.
